LIFE ON A CHICANE!

NOT JUST FORK, IT'S A PITCHFORK

2011-11-17T00:57:00.003+08:00

Everything is delectable. Everything is exciting. Everything is beautiful.

But the rule says, choose one.

A specialist? Or a generalist?

Will you focus on one? Or just a bit of everyone?

photocredit: http://gakish.com/new/zz/pitchfork.jpg

OCCUPY MY STREET

2011-10-19T02:13:00.006+08:00

Remember the change ?

I'm living it.

Confusing. Painful. Scary.

I have never been shaken this much but the appeal of conquest is difficult to ignore. While there is conceit in my capacity to enjoy the present, I am humbled by the amplitude of the future.

A small sacrifice. Some tweaking and fine-tuning.

As there is a fine line between contentment and complacency.

P.S.

What do these guys want to achieve? Seriously.

photocredit: http://2.bp.blogspot.com

'NUFF 'NUFF!

2011-10-11T00:35:00.002+08:00

They say too much of anything is bad.

But how do you know what is too much and when is enough.

photocredit: http://www.toomuch.it/ImagesTM/Too_Much_white_trans.gif

WHERE IS GODOT?

2011-10-07T17:30:00.002+08:00

I wait.

Therefore, I blog.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

GAMU-GAMO SA CASTRO

2011-06-20T03:04:00.009+08:00

It's been a crazy June first half. Windang utak. Nginig t*mbong.

And what a better, more fab way to break the vicious cycle of tension and stress than jetting to

Tad bit early for the Pride Week but this didn't stop us from swarming to the Ground Zero of ka-veklushan

First night was at Badlands.

Second at Rebel (where my $ 1 went a loooonnnngggg way) and Trigger.

Details of rampa. Soon!

photocredits: http://www.bosie.tv/de/system/files/commonfiles/sfo-goldengate.jpg and http://www.tanoryland.com/images/sf/100_0547.jpg

TO BE OR NOT TO BE, TUTUBI

2011-06-08T01:05:00.009+08:00

When I was younger, decisions were made at a flick of finger.

Carelessly unaware, that they could chart a future.

Now that I am wiser, judgments become difficult to reach.

Tensely conscious, that they can never do much undoing a predetermined plan.

Isn't it an iron? Don't you think?

photocredit: http://bjovanovic.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/crossroad-signs.jpg

FLY, FLY BUTTERFLY

2011-06-06T03:31:00.002+08:00

I am crossing the threshold of CHANGE.

Mga bakla! Iiwan ko na ang pagiging pupa.

photocredit: http://clayruth.com/pupa_back_front.jpg

AYHETCHU, BALENTAYMS!

2011-02-15T20:18:00.007+08:00

Truth is, I don't like Valentine's.

Despite having a double status since 2004, I still feel the pressure. It's the over-romanticizing, I guess. That extra effort to make it more memorable. Much emphasis on making the significant other swoon over one's deliberate attempts at being cheesy. And silly!

And since I'm donning a romantic hat on this day of the hearts, I dashed to my favorite grocery store (really!).

Performing the duty of a perfect Romeo.

Mksurf8's chaka version

Buying flowers and chocs is my own antithesis.

But I have to do it, all for the love of my Juliet (ooops sahreee, Romeo too).

When I arrive at my flat, lo and behold!

G's kick-ass version

Wahahahaha!

Yung bigay ko, one big CHAKA! Uso pa ba ang Ferrero? Nga naman, last time kong ginamit yun na pampakilig, eh straight pa ako. Yes, sa pechay na naging GF ko sa mismong balentayms!

Labyu Keow!

Lamko champion ka sa mga chuvarlu na 'to. Tenks for flying to SG, 2 weekends in a row.

Looking forward to next year's. :)

SEVEN

2011-02-10T22:43:00.010+08:00

As you know, I suck at these things. So I will be brief and concise.

To paraphrase Richard Bach,

You are my soulmate who makes my Life come to Life.

Happy 7th !

Our Beginning

Our Wedding

JAKARTA IN 24 HOURS (BCG No. 1)

2011-02-09T00:51:00.014+08:00

I am known to be fond of short, impulse trips.

Last week was no exception. G flew in for the CNY holidays. So sweet of him to waste 2 days of VL to be with me in a place that was practically on mute. SG grinds to a halt on CNY as most locals spend time at their homes for reunion dinners or do their rounds collecting ang paos.

As we ran out of options, beki and otherwise, we decided to jet off to Jakarta, a short, commuter flight from the lion city.

Hence this trip report. My debut post: Mksurf8's BCG (Beki Club Guide) Series across Asia (soon, world).

First Leg: SIN-CGK via Lufthansa LH 778

Economy Class @ SGD 119/pax, promo fare

Flight Time: 1 hr, 20 mins

We opted for legacy carrier Lufthansa since ours was a last-minute booking. Budget carriers are notorious in jacking prices up when you book near flight dates. Normal fare is SGD 45 (plus taxes) one-way, if booked way ahead.

7:20 P.M. : Touchdown Jakarta

My 2nd time. For years, this city had never been on my travel radar as I always thought of it as drab and flat. Dull, as far as gay scene is concerned. I was proven wrong (really GLAD, I was) when I enjoyed (bar top/ledge dancing and all) its gay clubbing scene last year.

We were whisked off immediately to our hotel, the Ritz Carlton (promo rate!). Famished, we attacked its very generous spread. Horny, we burrowed down into its soft, fluffy sheets for rough, welcome toot. Orgasm to the roof when you do it in a new, unfamiliar place.

After stuffing and burning (go figure!), we proceeded to the best gay club in Jakarta.

11:00 P.M. :Apollo Bar and Lounge

U/G Level, Bellagio Boutique Mall

Jl. Mega Kuningan Barat VII

Entrance Fee: Rp 125,000 (PhP 613)

Upon entry, you get to choose 1 free drink (choices: soft drink, juice, ocean blue, the phantom, gin tonic, vodka tonic/cranberry/orange/coke). Like any other free drink, alcohol was a pitiful droplet.

Bland crowd before midnight. Dearth of eye candies. We would have settled for less but even hipons were out of sight. Music was a bit slow. Too Chicane-ish that I could have demanded for an MJ kind of a high.

Energy picked up around midnight.

G and I ordered our signature drinks. Rum coke and Long Island Iced Tea. In that order.

Rum Coke: Rp 90,000 (PhP 441)

Long Island Iced Tea: Rp 110,000 (PhP 540)

Both mixes were of the third-world sort. Mahina. We opted for some kicker.

Tequila Shot: Rp 90,000 (PhP 441)

The kickass kind! We were already in the zone.

Occupying a 495-sq-meter space, Apollo was quite roomy for a club. Both sides had elevated VIP spaces, partitioned into 8 sections. At the center was an island bar with a huge, tiled dance stage. This area got packed when everyone was all buzzed up and uninhibited.

It was easy to roam around looking for our prey. Shared prey. LOL!

There were a lot of options but we couldn't agree on one. We went for different types, obviously. Project threesome? Fail!

Kidding.

The crowd got rowdy when

In the world's most populous Muslim country, what a lovely surprise!

Another round of Long Island and all was a blur. Some memory pockets and sober intervals. Went to the CR. Stares. Smiles. Couldn't find G when I came back. He said he tried calling me but my phone was apparently off.

We were playing hide and seek. Nah! All hiding. Forget seeking.

Ordered more poison. Waited for what seemed to be eternity before I got my refill. Why do I always feel this when I drunk order?

Scoured the crowd, only to find temptations.

Good 30 minutes and we found each other standing near the island dance stage.

This was the point when we called it a night. When alcohol took over reason. When libido started to grip our erogenous zones. When we heard the call of the wild.

A short cab ride to the hotel and we were dead to the world.

12 P.M.: Wake-up Call

Zzzzzzzzzzzz

1 P.M.: The Real Wake-up Call

Hmmmmmmm

1:30 P.M.: Lunch at Senayan Plaza

3 P.M.: The Spa at the Ritz

No, we didn't indulge. Teh! Mahalia Jackson! We freshened up and proceeded to Soekarno Hatta Airport for our flight back home.

Return Leg: CGK-SIN via Singapore Airlines SQ 963

Last surprise: Business Class Upgrade

Zero cost.

__________________________________________________________________________

Verdict: Jakarta is kinky beneath the veil.

Long Island Iced Tea:

Cutie-meter:

KUMU-CURACHA

2011-01-16T06:03:00.003+08:00

I haven't done this in a long time. But glad to know I still have the stamina for it. Not for the countless rounds of rough sex, silly! I do that all the time. Well, most of the time. Haha!

I went to a friend's wedding this evening. Got the right amount of buzz. You know, that enough 'angas' to ward off questions regarding marriage and settling down. Wine was my best pal. Sarcasm my sharp weapon. Supalpal lang!

After a very hetero evening, I proceeded to the bat cave to smell some blood. Male juice, echoz! Daming cute. Bading ulit ako. I was home. Char!

Boy watching (not even flirting, gosh!) in Bed was short-lived as G was too edgy to leave for our early morning flight to Cebu. Pit Senor!

4 A.M. Mabuhay Lounge.

After a bottle of wine and a pitcher of Michael (susko meganon pa lang drink!), my body was confused.

Drunk? Sleepy? Horny?

Staring at that cutie in the lounge, I think I know the answer. Excuse me, where's the men's room?

Ssssshhhhh, G is sleeping.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2010-12-31T09:12:00.010+08:00

A lot of things to thank for in 2010. Really a lot. I'll reserve a separate entry for this.

In the meantime, I would like to wish everyone a new year, full of hope and cheers.

2011, bring it on!!!!!

___________________________________________________________________________

Already on the homestretch of my 2-week (okay, 3 weeks) vacation, I am very much still on holiday fever. My mind is still off. Lazing off. Wandering.

A very contemplative break. Save for some booze nights, it's a lot of "me" and silent time. I went home to the province. Spent a whole lot of time with the fam. Reconnected with the childhood gang. Came out to a dear friend (another blog post!). Doted on the first apo in the family. Let me make it clear. My nephew, not apo. Haha!

Geez, can't wait to see what's in store for me in 2011.

photocredit: http://newevolutiondesigns.com/images/graphics/2011-happy-new-year-graphic-3.jpg

TO THE BATCAVE

2010-12-10T02:20:00.001+08:00

Mga kafatid, see you all there!

HEXCITED MUCH!

2010-12-02T01:58:00.008+08:00

Ilang tulog na lang, Jollibee na naman! Yes! In a few kembots, I'll be home (again!) Not for work but for the most joyous season of all.

Masarap talaga ang Pasko sa 'Pinas. Malamig ang simoy ng hangin. Daming kantahan, inuman, kainan, kantuta Ay! wholesome post itey! Dito kasi wiz ko felt ang Pasko. Maalinsangan! Malungkot! Malabnaw (EH?)

Kumukuti-kutitap nga ang mga palamuti sa Orchard pero nasaan ang diwa ng pasko. Nasaan? Nasaan? (arte lang!)

Kaya pagpatak pa lang ng unang araw ng Disyembre, para na akong sinasaniban ng espiritu ni Santa Claus. Shopping galore for my countless (mahabagin! countless po talaga sila) inaanaks. Bane of my existence as an eligible bachelorette! Charoz Santos! Di porke single, galante ako mamigay noh? Kung ibang pagni-ninong pa, baka todo bigay akesh. Kaluluwa't balunbalunan buong puso(d)ng iaalay! Charing Pempengco!

Hate ko pa naman ang shopping! At di porke bading, mahilig na mag-shopping noh? Di go getz why it's called retail therapy. Not therapeutic at all! Kung pwede nga lang ang pao na lang. See? Our Chinese brothers are a smart, practical lot! Cash in red packets will save me from malling and all the haggling. Naman! With a batallion of inaanaks, baka magdildil na lang ako ng asin sa Pasko.

Wait! Nega star na itu! I shouldn't be complaining, right? Uncle Scrooge much! Grinch more! LOL!

Hmmmmmm

Ano pa kayang pwedeng gawin ditesh sa SG before ako uuwi? Tamad na ako sa work e. I closed na my own fiscal year. Tarush lang! Magsampalan man kayo sa Ireland o mag bakbakan kayo sa Korea. Kevs ko!

Done na ako for 2010! Ho ho ho! (Pasko laftir, ayt!)

Ooops! There's more!

I'm sooo tempted to go. Been to this annual event only once. Medyo so-so but this year's line up is uber astig. Guetta and Tiesto FTW!

Orally Yours and Carrie!

Mga bakla! Ano Betty GO Belmonte tayo?

I WONDER

2010-11-23T03:19:00.017+08:00

I just noticed that this old post always gets visitors/readers from places I would least expect.

Mapa-Scandinavia

Mapa-Incredible India

Sample pa lang yan sa nakita ko at this very moment. Minsan may Tibet. Latvia. Romania. May Chad pa ata. Lurks, di ba? Pang-international ang lolo nyo! Eh sa sariling wika naman yung post. Baklang wika pa nga!

O sadyang fans lang sila ni Ate Vi?

IN NEED OF 5-HTP

2010-11-22T01:28:00.008+08:00

It was a productive trip.

Sealed a number of contracts. Expanded the network and renewed some contacts. Will end the year with numbers higher than expected. On the business front, everything went smoothly.

On a personal level, a different matter. Not a significant deviation though. But still, there were some aberrations. Say, some divergence from the norm.

If you’ve been together for close to 7 years, you can at least differentiate white from black.

Right?

I can be wrong, of course. There’s always that slim chance.

Probably, I had too much alcohol at Obar last Saturday night. Happy hormones down to zero. The series of rough, alcohol-induced sex?

Could be.

Nah!

Guess, we were just too close for comfort. Attention to details and insignificant things. Higher tendency of hating each other’s guts.

Makes me think why this set up has worked. Seven years and LDR, at that. We have the luxury of breathing (and leaving!) when things get too familiar and comfortable.

A cooling mechanism when both reach that feverish state.

___________________________________________________________________________

In Manila for business trip. G and I went on our usual routine. Dinner. Massage. Gym. OBar. Sex.

On my flight back to lah-land, I felt there was a void. Kinda!

photocredit: http://www.5htpdreaming.com

SOMNILOQUY

2010-11-17T02:43:00.014+08:00

Some careless months ago, I got into trouble because of this. Big time.

Almost ruined the most precious relationship. Nearly pushed someone into . . . Hmmm never mind! We're friends now. And they're chums too.

I was trying to outsmart insomnia by blog hopping when suddenly G (who was beautifully conked out by my side) started mumbling. I listened closely but I could not figure out a thing. This was my chance at a scoop.

Ha! Should I be worried? Thinker doer, ya know! Last year, G found out my indiscretion because I sleep-talked. I narrated (very apt term!) what entirely transpired. All in its juicy, naked form.

Some more muttering.

"I love "

Tapered off.

Who? Damn it!

"I love

you, Mksurf8!"

Ching!

___________________________________________________________________________

I forgot! My blog turned 2 last October.

Haberday blog!

I have been remiss in my blog duties. I promise to write more often. And read other blogs too. There are a lot of interesting blogs now (yung nakakapukaw ng damdamin like Soltero's!). Should update my links and the list to follow.

Probably a new blog look too. And yeah, I should really start on my promise to chronicle my beki bar adventures across the globe.

But first I have to hit the sack now. With the satisfaction of knowing that even in his suspension of consciousness, I reign supreme on his lips.

And in his heart! (because he wears his heart upon his lips. LOL!)

photocredit: http://completewellbeing.com/article/talking-trouble/

DINGDING LANG ANG PAGITAN - DAY 2

2010-11-09T00:55:00.012+08:00

So kumusta naman ang continuing saga?

Ayun! Nakaraos din. Thank you, sinai_cox for the company! I knew I could count on you! Ching!

First night came to pass. I slept with a heavy heart (but woke up with a raging hard on!). Contented with the thought that my baby Keow was just a breath away.

Sigh!

I would have wanted to treat the fam to my compulsory crab dinner. Di ba the way to a man's heart is through his stomach? His siblings' stomachs, I mean. But no! Nag-shopping galore si Ate. Dinedma ang chili crab!

Hawker food strategy? FAIL!

So, I just spent a bit of time at the office trying to rationalize Bernanke's QE2. When I got fed up with the conscientious stupidity of the Americans, I went straight home.

I arrived at an empty flat! G and my (!) siblings weren't home yet. Good thing my old pal Stella was there.

And of course, sinai_cox!

___________________________________________________

To get to know more of sinai_cox, search him at www.dudesnude.com. LOL!

DINGDING LANG ANG PAGITAN

2010-11-08T00:05:00.006+08:00

Balak ko na syang rape-in pagpasok pa lang sa pintuan kanina. Medyo tigang kasi. Mga 3 weeks na. Ang hirap sa ganitong edad, parang bumabalik ang dating L. Is this the so-called second wind?

Kaso di pwede!

At dahil pa-mhin tayo, offer na lang sa kanya at kay Kuya ng Stella Artois. O di ba? Sa beer pa lang, beking-beki na!

"Pare, beer!"

Parang nanginginig lang. Sinisi sa AC na naka subzero.

"So pano kayo nagkakilala?" Si Ate, ang tanong very classic!

Panic!

Ano nga yung script? Sa gym? Sa office? Sa kalye?

Sa bar! Sa Bed! Sa bathhouse!

Lagok na lang ulit. Stella never tasted this good! CRAP!

Okay, dalawang magkasunod na lagok!

"Ate, gusto nyo po ng Vodka?" Oooops! Kape po pala!

"Kuya, another round?"

Then I went inside my room. And came the tweet.

"Kaka tense! Meeting the fam. I'd rather have the pressure on the trading floor anytime!!!!"

____________________________________________________________

G is in SG with his siblings, staying at my place. We're not OUT to our respective families (out lang kami sa Bed at Obar noh!). So this trip is a major breakthrough in our 7-year relationship. Kinda meet-the-fam but not quite coz I'm introduced only as "barkada." Baby step, I guess. And honestly, I'm not ready yet. Potah! kelan ba ready? Kung uugod-ugod na?

And so, I'm here blogging and occasionally sending G some horny messages on FB chat. Gwapo mo kanina! Sarap mo i-kiss! Gapangin kaya kita mamayang madaling araw.

Potah! I am sooo in heat!

TISSUE!!!!!!!

photocredit: http://www.geeksugar.com/Turn-Your-iPhone-Lie-Detector-Test-Lie-Detector-App-2689642

HAN'S

2010-11-04T21:18:00.002+08:00

After some bone-breaking, muscle-tearing torture at One George, it's always comforting to know that there's the trusty suking tindahan ready to welcome a famished (and health freak!) victim!

One of the great things this city offers is access to cheap, healthy eats. On top of the deadly chili crabs and cereal prawns, of course.

So kahit mala-buffet ang karneng ulam sa gym kanina (succulent steak, medium rare; malapot-lapot, makintab-kintab), wiz na sa kanin!

Ang figure!

P.S.

Hi Geek! Deadma na sa muffin!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

COMING SOON

2010-10-06T02:06:00.005+08:00

It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad. --- C.S. Lewis

To establish equilibrium is difficult. To sustain it, a challenge. The hardest part is anticipating the tipping point.

Exciting!

Tomorrow might be a whole new ballgame.

photocredit:http://adobeperson.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/website-templategraphics-golden-egg-gift-ribbon-logo16.jpg

(TOT BABOL) BEX BAR GUIDE

2010-09-24T19:37:00.002+08:00

I just realized that Utopia has become so unreliable. For beks on lightning trips, time is a scarce commodity. They can't afford to lose precious hours to googling. Kailangan booking agad the minute you set foot on a new place. Marking the territory. Early bird catching the early bird chuva.

And so . . .

As my humble contribution to world peace, I will start a blog series on bex bars across the world!

First installment: Gay Taipei!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

SHEEP GONE?

2010-09-24T02:45:00.004+08:00

Must be the torture at the gym. Or the bottle of Hoe. Probably that slab of meat.

G felt a little bad when I cut short our phone con. I need to catch some zzz's so I can make it to my early morning flight to Taipei.

Fail! Can't find sheep.

photocredit: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_lT3j6IS90mM/TE8K2ilor5I/AAAAAAAAAB0/m2vDWhti96A/s1600-R/sheep-jumping-fence1a.gif

ME, MYSELF AND STELLA

2010-09-18T01:07:00.010+08:00

Just like that. I am alone.

On the surface, my life is dull. Punching numbers. Drawing charts. At times, doing a Nostradamus. I spend countless hours proving that 1 + 1 ≠ 2. That things just grow exponentially.

Beneath, I am in a multi-hued existence. The calm demeanor is misleading because I run a gamut of emotions. The mood swings from both ends of the spectrum. Concealment is an art I have mastered for years. It is both my strength and my downfall.

What's my point?

Nothing.

The spirit of Stella, probably.

___________________________________________________________________________

This post is plain trashy. G left for Sanfo for a short business trip. All my friends in SG are busy with their own lives.

I am bored.

BILOG ANG BUWAN?

2010-09-06T21:38:00.004+08:00

Woe to that looker. Bait.

Damn this feeling. Itch.

Bane of the weak. Doom.

I felt like a dog wagging its tail deliriously, the movement incoherent with my mind. I wanted to charge but the inner angel was forcing a halo. The lure was majestic and seemed insurmountable. Should I dive?

Run.

Savior was Bus 166. A 10-minute ride away from perdition.

I dashed to Cold Storage to pick that ready-to-eat greens in balsamic dressing and settled for the tasteless chicken breast.

Yes sir, I refused a Chinito tenderloin!

TEST

2010-09-03T01:51:00.002+08:00

Playing with my new toy. Cool! But afraid I'm getting back into that gadgetphile groove.

Hello everyone!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

GOT HIT, GET HITCHED

2010-07-27T00:38:00.012+08:00

Don't be deceived by her seemingly coy demeanor (bashful when sober, at the very least). She may look inhibited but she has disarmed and left me speechless.

Twice.

On formspring: "What's the most romantic thing you did for love?"

In person: "What do you and G have as a romantic bond?"

She means that thing which makes people swoon over. That factor some people go giddy about. Meh ganung factor? Yes, the one that sends shivers. Pinches and tickles.

I am at a loss because I don't fit the mold. Direct, I just talk and act without fanfare. What is explained in an essay can be answered by either a yes or no.

Well.

As Thomas Jackson would say, "Always mystify, mislead and surprise the enemy if possible."

And so.

In the happiest place on earth, amid sweltering Hong Kong condition (ground temperature of 31 degrees C, 90% humidity, zero chance of precipitation), I got hold of two cheap, round metals to officially link two horny souls who have spent 6 1/2 beautiful, roller-coaster years together.

As friends. Partners. Husband and husband.

With Mickey as our witness (or was it the cool fellow from Monster Inc.?), we vow to take more flights with Dumbo, embark on countless adventures in the space mountain and navigate the endless rapids in the river wild.

Or just a lazy stroll along the Main Street we call Life.

The Wonderful World of Disney Theme Song

MISS KO SI KEOW

2010-07-20T23:20:00.010+08:00

I only saw him for good 1.5 hours. So quick, couldn't even sneak in a quickie. Torrid kiss is not quickie, honey!

G left for Hollywood to audition for Glee. Char!

It felt odd spending my weekend in Manila without him. I got used to having him trail me around. LOL! Parang doggie lang. No really, I was like a pusa na gumagala gala sa Greenbelt. Alone but not lonely. Kembot lang!

Meow!

Friday was spent with my bexbuds (beki buddies, dearie!) and my lesbian lover, Rubi. Siya na ang vida-contravida. Went to a newly-opened bar in Fort. A straight joint, supposedly but the rainbow hues were so ever pervading. We wanted to jiggle our booties, wiggle our bellies but no! Lady Gaga, Tita Kylie and Lolah Madonna were on mute. Music was so hippity hip hop, I suddendly missed my chains and UFO jeans. The hood too!

Kevs! I finished 6 (or 7?) rum cokes. My lesbian lover was ooooh so asteeeeg! More than 10, right baby?

Nasunugan powh kasi kami. Razed to the hallowed ground (Malate powh!) ang aming bahay (Bed powh!). Ang aming bahay pahingahan. Bahay landian! Ayun the poor bekis were scattered all over the metro looking for fresh blood. I mean, flesh ni brod. Choz!

Saturday was just chill. Met my fashionista fwend. It was nice chit-chatting with you brow-tha. Ayun! May I confess tuloy me with my lovelife. Thanks for that loot from our Alma May-ter. Tambling ako sa blue book, teh! Brought back memories.

I spent my evening with my barako berks (ohh so 90s! ohh so un-jejemonish). Syemps, cool dude tayo dun. Mortal sin ang pumiyok at tumili. Nofing na mahalata na tayo ay dyosa! Baka bigla ako ma-bottom! Charot!

Kaya nung nakatanggap ako ng tixt mula sa dyosa ng kubeta (i.e. bathhouse goddess), na excite ako bigla! May orgy palang nagaganap sa kubeta.

Kaso madaling araw na powh! Tapos na daw ang boksing!

Thus, this buzzed orphan just went home.

Alone.

And clean.

Wahehehe!

photocredit: http://www.virginmedia.com/digital/feat...cats.php

CHANGE a LA OBAMA

2010-07-10T11:20:00.004+08:00

Okay P-NOY, to be closer to home.

I had a good run in the first half of the year. Gained more than what I bargained for. Achieved more than what I dreamed of. I should rest and stroll but the insatiable me is itching for more.

Opportunities come not just once. They recur. Well, they knock but at times they barge in. All maybe in a queue but only one is gold.

Spotting the one that glitters is a function of wisdom, patience, self-restraint and yes, vision. Luck too, in this random world.

Sans Oracle Paul, I hope I am picking the right one.

photocredit: http://www.sancarlosblog.com/2009/10/golden-howard-park-opportunity-2036-alma-street/

eLoW!!! pOwH!!

2010-04-29T15:41:00.002+08:00

Haven't really decided which side I'll be on.

Jejemon? Jejebuster?

Nice to be back though. Nothing much to say. Save for a series of trips and highs. Dashes and whirls.

I'm still on the go. Huffing and puffing. Sweaty tits (?) and smelly pits. Soiled shoes and all.

Will be back for more.

jejeje

AIN'T NO SABBATICAL, JUST A PITSTOP

2010-03-16T23:39:00.006+08:00

For this year's Formula 1 season, refuelling is no longer allowed once cars leave the pit lane at the beginning of the race. Pitstops are only meant for tire changes, cutting down drivers' time in the pit to approximately 4 seconds.

This means cars will be bulkier, a lot heavier as they need to carry a race's worth of fuel. The whole 78 laps if you're in Monaco. Imagine the drag it does to the car.

* * * * * * * *

My problem is consistency.

I can do sprints but doing marathons is still a work in progress. I shy away from the slowly-but-surely. Instead, I go for the one-time-big-time.

To linger is wicked. To rush divine.

Speeding kills. That's why I need brakes.

Breaks.

I know I only need to change tires or in rare instances, my own gearbox or transmission. These halts should be precisely timed to prevent the onset of inertia.

Much rest leads to indolence. Lack of activity is crippling.

Lethargy is apathy.

* * * * * * * *

Ironic.

Carrying too much baggage gets you to the checkered flag quick and fast.

I LOVE SIAM

2010-03-07T13:55:00.007+08:00

Just like the old familiar B. Souls swaying to the pulsating beat, swathed in glimmering beams.

With some eye candies (oh here, they're called lollipops. hot!)

(apologies to these paparazzi victims, nagsusubuan kasi kayo in public. kaya there!)

KESO ALERT!!!

2010-02-25T00:50:00.009+08:00

Eating cake is like making love.

Must share it to enjoy it!

'In the arithmetic of love, 1 + 1 equals everything, 2 - 1 equals nothing'

- Mignon McLaughlin

KING OF THE STREET

2010-02-23T02:11:00.009+08:00

you were king of the street.

proud. vain. insatiable.

the great leveler turned you into a felon.

a pauper.

beaten. bruised. humbled.

then came the second wind.

don't blow it kid!

VIVA LA VIDA (COLDPLAY)

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
Once you go there was never
Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become

Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?

AERIAL SPIRITS

2010-02-18T02:39:00.013+08:00

If there's drunk driving, there's drunk flying.

I left Manila in good spirits. But guess, I yearned for more.

Aboard my flight back to lah-land, I was all buzzed up. I had 2 glasses of Singapore Sling as my aperitif (teh sushal! pero naman, 2 glasses? iskwating pa rin!). My usual stimulant!

But I got the ultimate whirl 35,000 feet above with rum Coke, post-meal. Yes dearie, the lowly rum coke had made me highly wired. That kebaya-clad stick must have hated me for my persistent requests. The third helping came with an 80-20 ratio, I reckoned.

"Sir, I made it extra strong."

Who wouldn't love SQ? They really go an extra mile.

To have a complete inebriated experience, I had on Krisworld Zane Lamprey as my ka-tagayan. His Three Sheets*, my pulutan.

Needless to say, I arrived in equally, if not more heightened spirit. (Deadma na lang sa immigration officer!)

*I just learned that the strongest drink featured on his show was a 166-proof Lambanog. Pinoy Pride!

photocredits: www.supercocktails.com and www.collegecandy.com

VI

2010-02-10T18:17:00.007+08:00

Thank you for the Six*.

* Yes, that's I, not E!

Click to know how it all began

Flatliner 1

Flatliner 2

Flatliner 3

NOW, I POP

2010-01-29T23:45:00.007+08:00

Technically, I didn't make it. But for all intents and purposes, I did.

My previous posts zeroed in on my newly-revitalized status as a corporate jungle warrior. I was prepped up and ready to pounce on this year. Hard work and persistence paid off. I achieved 131% of what's expected by the mighty board, but missed my own ruthless target by 9%. No mean feat in a market that has rallied 100% from last year's lows. Not to mention, the specter of another bubble landscape in the next months.

It helped that I pushed my own limits by creating a personal, imaginary objective. I fancied myself with 140%, an ambitious stretch from the norm. I missed it by a sigh but still I was a pant above the official goal.

I can breath. I can stop. Albeit, momentarily. Cool off before gaining steam.

Let me savor this moment. It is always reassuring to celebrate small victories. It affirms our progress and keeps the focus. It inspires us to repeat these successes in the future. A kind of pat on the back. Giving love to ourselves after a job well done.

Now, crack open the boss! I mean, booze.

photocredit: www.dreamstime.com/champagne-gold-thumb32015.jpg

I MUNCH, I CRUNCH

2010-01-27T01:29:00.006+08:00

Three days and it's crunch time.

It's been three (!) years since I last succumbed to this mad scramble. Days on the assembly line, months on autopilot. The old system of stress proved profitable but it took its toll on my sanity and sense of balance.

Thanks to the "irrational exuberance" of the criminals in white! External shocks became an eye-opener. Character was built. Purpose no longer questioned but understood.

It was an epiphany of sort. Zoom past the wild and rough rides, a well-defined raison d'etre came out.

I still have the habits of the fool. They are difficult to lose despite the memory of a wounded past. Call them my baggage but this time, my competitive spirit knows no boundaries.

I see no end to desire. I feel no fading of hope. Everything is within reach. I just need a little push and a lot of concentration.

Drink-all-you-can and glug-till-you-drop to the first lucky soul I meet after I emerge victorious come 29th.

photocredit: www.cartoonstock.com/directory/c/crunch_time.asp

POINT TAKEN

2010-01-17T21:48:00.011+08:00

In a country where everything is told and ordered . . .

(Outside the Singapore Art Museum)

Benches, oddly arranged in a quadrant

For optimal cavorting and playing

No wonder we go to the museum to see EXHIBITS.

JUST WAIT

2010-01-15T00:20:00.007+08:00

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

Not always.

Sometimes he pauses from going further. Rests. Puts his feet up. Sort of gathering himself inward before charging again.

But once he picks up the pieces and the color goes green, the tough gets tough again. Even tougher. Ready to run. As in a mad rush.

I got burned by this madness. First, it was denial. A normal stage like in any grief or loss. I thought it was just a scratch or a slight bump. Late that I knew, it was a deep wound. That even with the eventual absence of pain and apparent healing, I was still licking it.

Denial was stretched that I skipped the other stages. They must have been eclipsed by the magnitude of the first.

Acceptance then came as a jolt. It was like a sudden clearing of the skies. Like waking up from a nightmare, realizing I was comfortably breathing. The wound was gone. Without even a slight trace visible.

Time, they always say, is a great healer. One just needs to wait. No need to rush to rush.

Life is just all about timing.

photocredit: www.artbywicks.com

TIGHT-LIPPED

2010-01-13T00:53:00.003+08:00

Meaningful words are not spoken, they are performed.

THINGS TO BE EXCITED ABOUT IN 2010

2010-01-11T00:12:00.021+08:00

The optimist button is activated. Instead of just blabbing resolutions which imply something always work in progress, I claim the following to happen this year:

1. FINANCES

zero credit card debt by April

will maintain the same number of cards as a test of

discipline and self-restraint but no more revolving

Y amount of savings by June

using Y instead of X. X is bad feng shui. equity investments

are paying off. looking forward to double-digit returns

2. TRAVEL

1 vacay, long haul (Europe but US will be on stand-by)

short weekenders in BKK, HKG, ICN and TPE

BAG, USU and MPH for WOW Philippines

travel expenses already factored in the computation of Y

# of additional lightning trips contingent on savings > Y

3. HEALTH and FITNESS

1 PT package for 1Q in preparation for summer

4 pan de sals by June, 6 by Dec

the most aggressive and ambitious, thus far

joining my 1st half-marathon by December

iandmac the designated coach. wag aangal!

outednarnian and jamie da vinci, my role mowdels. go gurls!

4. CAREER

130% on the scorecard

promotion by year-end

5. SPIRITUAL

1 retreat by mid-year

beginning to hear some voices. nunnery is out of the question.

just feel some void. some introspection may help.

6. FAMILY

2 bonding trips abroad

first nephew/niece in the family

goodness gracious! not from me

7. LOVE

6 years with G

celebrating our similarities, appreciating our differences

more laughter, less tears

Apart from these, I am also thrilled at knowing Schumi will finally race for Mercedes-Brawn. I'm betting this to be the most exciting F1 season in years. I also look forward to meeting new blogger friends and to bonding with existing ones. Rubypurple, let's finally have our one-on-one. Pick a place. You don't want this to be a Mayweather-Pacquiao blip. Right baby? I will also be taking photography lessons in March. Dead serious this time.

So there. My 2010 in a nutshell.

photocredit: www.educationuk.org

STARTING GRID

2010-01-09T04:30:00.003+08:00

I would have wanted to fire 2010 up by listing my new year's goals and resolutions but my revived enthusiasm in my job got in the way of introspection and planning. I was raring to start the year by setting the bearings right; going full throttle early in the race.

While all gung-ho on career, online duties took a backseat. I was remiss in updating my blog and in stalking my favorite bloggers. What remained in my virtual vein were the intermittent tweets.

Apologies to the readers. I will do some backreads and backlistens. Last one sounds odd but yeah, I'm referring to the funny fabcasts.

Then I do my own whooshing and screeching on the racetrack. Focus and speed are my theme for this year. Less of the chicanes. More of the speedways.

REV UP for 2010!

photocredit: formula1.wordpress.com

CHRISTMAS IS FAMILY AND MORE

2009-12-25T16:21:00.011+08:00

After maltreating my liver in the metro, I trooped down south.

In my 30-plus years of existence, I have only spent a single Christmas away from home. Remember the Y2K fright? But still, the whole family flew to Manila for that holiday season. Even after I ventured into the lah-land, I would always come home for Christmas.

Mom never fails to remind his nomad sons to always spend Christmas with family. My brother has several misses. But this time, we are complete.

What can be more comforting than sleeping in your old bed; waking up, still late, to your mom's persistent invite to have breakfast? Pesky, I know. But hey, it's still mom. Guess, I missed that nagging voice and the relentless knocking on my door.

I also look forward to the traditional fare laid on the table. My mom may not be a Nigella Express but her signature desserts are usually gone in a flash. I have promised to go easy on chole but this temptress of the swine variety is too succulent to ignore. It's a sin not to let its skin so crisp, reach the eager mouth. Forget Red Cross, not the innards. The blood stew that comes with it is not just fit for the vampires. It is heaven!

Tomorrow, I have another tradition to uphold. The 3 Ss of stress-free living: sun, sea and sand. But this time, it's with the significant other. I would have wanted to let the family join but G and I still enjoy life in the closet. In time.

Merry Christmas everyone! Enjoy the season with your loved ones, with the people who truly matter.

HIGH

2009-12-15T01:05:00.002+08:00

Thank you

. . . for the forgiving heart

. . . for standing by me

. . . for the second chance.

CHRISTMAS G

2009-11-30T23:55:00.006+08:00

Weekend was a real blast.

G flew in for a short, sweet holiday. We planned it to be free and easy. No agenda on hand, except some quality time together.

There were few surprises though.

I saw him got wasted again after a long time. He was a stunned witness to my being picked up by a hottie from Czech Republic. (Not kidding, you doubters!) I felt like going to Eastern Europe soon.

We also feasted on equally yummy Brazilian models. But sadly, it was strictly a stare-and-salivate-all-you-can meat buffet. We ogled until our eyeballs fell out in giddy abandon.

Before G jetted out, he left me with another surprise.

Ushering in our 5th Season of Joy together.

BELIEVE

2009-11-24T23:10:00.008+08:00

This is my LSS for today.

I don't know why but I feel so light and uninhibited. Just about to break free . . .

Watta GV tune!

BECOMING VEGAN?

2009-11-22T03:05:00.006+08:00

It felt odd but familiar.

There was an instant connection after we were introduced. I don't usually warm up to strangers nor comfortable with first meetings but our small talk was natural and effortless. It was as if we had known each other for long.

Sort of kindred spirits.

She was with an old buddy I hadn't seen for 15 years. We had a quick dinner since my friend was here for a short layover en route to Paris. Conversation was light, mostly reminiscing on our trouble-making yet geeky years.

While my friend was all agog recalling all my juvenile bloopers, I couldn't help but get distracted by her.

The way she listened to our anecdotes. The way she looked at me while I desperately defended myself from my friend's assaults. Her cute chuckle at every funny story. Her charming shock at every bombshell. Even the way she sipped her green tea captivated me.

My friend noticed my divided attention that he was no longer mocking me about my sloppy past. He was already playing cupid. From being my attacker to being my matchmaker.

I enjoyed the teasing part. I relished the idea of future dates. And kinda looking forward to some arrows flying.

Needless to say, we exchanged numbers.

She's going to start a new job here in a couple of months.

RELASYON

2009-11-19T02:04:00.006+08:00

Ang pakikipag-relasyon ay di pinaplano.

Kusa lamang itong darating at hindi kailangan hagilapin. Kung OA ka sa paghahanap, mas lalo itong maging mailap.

Hindi uubra ang pagiging SMART. Dapat keri lang at go with the flow.

Sa dami-dami ng mga bumabaluktot ngayon at nagkukulay rainbow, malamang kahit isa man lang, may matatalisod ka. Kung tingin mo, type mo, e di gow! Kapit, wag matakot! Kung tingin mo, type ka rin, mas lalong gow! Then you both start from there. Dapat same page, para sabay ang basa. Build it from there 'baga. Expectations kept at a minimum. Kung pupuwede, none at all.

Kung malas ang pangalan mo at one-way street lang pala, gow pa rin. But this time, gow the OTHER way. Sa madaling sabi, teh let gow. Sabi ko nga sa old post ko (at mantra ko na rin), the way to grow is to let go! Wag pilitin ang ayaw. Kasi didikit lang.

Ngayon kung medyo hirap ka sa lecheng letting go na yan, e di i-baby mo muna yang emo feeling na yan. Malay mo matrip-an mo pala. Maging santa santita ka pa ng mga sawi at bigo. Titulo yun. At least!

Kung ika'y sinwerte naman at konting antayan lang, dumating agad si Godot, naku be happy and gay! Magpasalamat ka bonggaciously! Pahalagahan ang dumating. Wag na maraming issues. Concentrate at palaguin ang pagsasama.

Warning though!

Hindi lahat po, puro saya, kilig at libog. Meron ding pagkabagot, pagkainis at pagkadismaya. Minsan nga pagkamuhi pa. Pero kung na decide mo na worth keeping sya, kever lang di ba? Lahat naman may katapusan. Kung lilipas ang kilig at libog. Malamang lilipas din ang pagkamuhi at pagkabagot.

Ang mahalaga ma appreciate mo kahit may konting kulang (o minsan, sobra) sa kanya. Isipin mo rin, baka ikaw may kulang (o sobra) din sa pananaw nya.

Basta ganun lang.

Kung nagkaka migraine ka na sa kakaisip ng mga bagay-bagay, e di STOP! Pag bored ka na sa STOP, mag yellow ka lang sandali. Tapos GO na ulit.

Ang relasyon ay parang isang traffic light lamang.

Touch & Go. Stop & Go.

DIVERGENCE

2009-11-10T02:07:00.008+08:00

Two disparate systems joined by chance.

Fundamentally distinct but moving in unison. Essentially different yet going in one direction.

Apply shock. Get the probable point of divergence.

Two parallel lines intersecting.

Two discrete worlds colliding.

UNO

2009-11-03T20:18:00.004+08:00

I didn't notice until I went to Luis' batchoyan.

A year of decelerating.

Haberdey Blog!

I WILL IF I KNOW

2009-11-01T16:49:00.005+08:00

"When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear."

- Mark Twain

They come in threes.

I met the first when I was in high school. It was careless and innocent. I didn't know any better.

I met the second when I had my first homo relationship. It was severe but quick. It shook me. I was caught off balance. But I learned the meaning of forgiveness.

The third showed up last week. I got frightened. It consumed me.

The signs were obvious but I chose to ignore them. I am a trusting person. One is innocent until proven otherwise. I even tasted the agave and took pleasure in being mashed and inebriated. I swallowed the spirit and swayed to the rhythm of brotherhood.

Still, it took me by surprise. I am accustomed to assaults but this one was discreet but painful. They say the best things in life are unexpected. I believe, the worst things are.

I can deal with anger. I can manage the pain. I can possibly forget.

But until he lifts a finger, I swear.

GOING SOUTH

2009-10-29T00:38:00.007+08:00

With the threat of another bug attack, it just occured to me.

How is it to let my guards down?

Sirens ready to sound at a slight threat of unauthorized entry. Sentinels snappy and quick. I have probably built my fortresses so strong and natural that they have become ME.

Could this be the white flag moment? Or just another changing-of-the-guards ceremony?

Am I now mortified to be fortified?

photocredit: http://www.arishohat.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/moat.jpg

ALONE (NOT!)

2009-10-07T00:29:00.013+08:00

No longer unknown.

Yet . . .

ALONE

I hear the ticking of the clock

I'm lying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won't end though
Alone

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone

You don't know how long I have wanted
to touch your lips and hold you tight, yeah
You don't know how long I have waited
and I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own, Oh
and my love for you is still unknown
Alone

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone

IN A FIT

2009-10-03T01:41:00.009+08:00

You wake up one fine morning to an excruciating pain.

Your world suddenly changes. You used to shake it vigorously. Now, you can't even lift a finger. You could jump and create a thud. But a lame step only creates a shy squeak.

Some faculties are apparently gone.

Questions abound. Doubts raised. Theories made.

Maybe, there is something. Perhaps, there is nothing.

Sure thing, I am in a fit of something.

___________________________________________________

It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock

The meat it feeds on; that cuckold lives in bliss

Who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger;

But, O, what damned minutes tells he o'er

Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects, yet strongly loves!

- from The Bard's OTHELLO

EHEM EHEM EHEM

2009-10-02T01:20:00.001+08:00

GHOST

2009-09-13T04:23:00.006+08:00

I haven't seen a ghost. Nor felt something from a different dimension.

I tried searching for one. At times, begging for it to appear. But all attempts were all an exercise in futility. There never was a haze nor a whiff of cool air.

Why am I obsessed with ghosts?

That chill up the spine. Tickles. That adrenaline rush. Sizzles.

Elusive. It bothers me.

Is it just a product of a fertile mind? Concocted by a desolate heart.

Or am I just my own ghost?

ANG ANGAS NG ANGST

2009-09-07T00:15:00.005+08:00

source: andreaharner.com

Angtsy ako ngayon.

Di ko alam bakit. Nakakairita na.

Medyo clean na naman ako for ages. Yung caffeine fix ko na fix ko na rin. Wala na namang nag ha-hara kiri sa mercado. Lumipas na rin ang bagyo.

Ngunit di pa rin mapakali. Di ko mawari saan nanggaling ang bad vibe na 'to. Balak ko na sanang magtirik ng kandila kasi ghost month naman. Tawag kaya ako ng feng shui master.

Gusto ko sumigaw pero baka i-cane ako for disturbing the peace. Yoko magkalatay. Worse, ma-Changi pa.

Sana'y may makausap ako pero yung mga taong inaasahan mong makausap wala naman. Hayaan muna nating magka Life daw. Medyo masakit ata na paratang yun ah. Oo, dinidibdib ko yun.

Baka naman tama sila. Minsan kailangan ng more heads than one. The more, the many-ier, ika nga.

Keri lang. Matino at mabait naman sila. Pero bad shot lang ako lagi. Nauunahan ng bad first impression yung totoong pagkatao. Sige lang. Ganun talaga. Each one is entitled to his own opinion.

The odds are against me. Sabi nga ni Mareng Winnie kay Mikey A. (yeah, winnur yung clip na yun), the burden of proof is on you. Assumed guilty until proven innocent.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Nakasinghot nga ng hangin. Hindi naman ata umabot sa utak. Kulang ng oxygen pa rin.

Stomach in, stomach out.

Lumamon ba? O tumungga. Wala rin. Food for the body is not food for the soul.

Bubulong na lang kaya ako? Hala! Baka duwende naman ang sumagot. Afraid!

I know!

This is mid-life crisis. Male menopause. Kaya pala humina na ang drive ko. Dati thrice a day. Ngayon once na lang (etchoz!). Kaskasero pa naman ako. Pano na?

Pasensya na rant muna ako ha? Mild rant lang naman to e.

Di pa umuusok.

Unfair lang ako. Selfish. May buhay nga naman siya.

Hayaan ko na muna. Siya na muna mag breathe in, breathe out. Stomach in, stomach out.

Ako naman mag-aayos ng buhay muna.

Mag-isa.

THE PRAYER

2009-08-31T00:33:00.010+08:00

Dear Lord,

Bless my baby everyday, every hour, every second. Continue to give him the power of love and wisdom. Shower him with your blessings and keep him safe all the time. As he turns ** (6 years of that we shared together), please guide us all the way to your lasting grace and promise. May all his birthday wishes come true.

Thank you Lord, for letting us surpass the trials. Give us your grace.

Amen.

___________________________________________________

Sleepy, listening to the homily. Then I heard a beep.

Thank you.

MANTRAS (2nd of 7)

2009-08-29T02:36:00.004+08:00

VI. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

- anonymous

Work to live. Not the reverse. While working late on a Friday night, I receive a beep from our CEO. It's TGIF. Go out. Paint the town red tonight. So gay! But it only takes a second for me to kill the computer and swipe my access card off to revelry.

Live life!

VII. A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing.

- George Bernard Shaw

There are no guarantees. Only risk disclosures. Nobody has claimed perfection of life. It is a series of hits and misses. Trials and errors.

Life is an experiment.

VIII. Silence is the most powerful scream.

- anonymous

I can't stand silence. It is deafening. I would rather hear and talk than interpret signs.

IX. Cut your losses and let your profits run.

- anonymous

Raising the white flag is not a sign of defeat. It is a strategy. Walking away from battle is not cowardice. It just means one is fed up with conflict and violence.

I have seen markets in a freefall. Smart men do somersaults. The stubborn lost in the abyss.

X. Adapt the pace of nature. Her secret is patience.

- anonymous

Speed is a thief. It robs you of enjoyment. Unhurried journey can be fulfilling to the soul.

FREE

2009-08-28T02:04:00.014+08:00

I am a control freak.

I can be manipulative. Albeit with flair.

I smile. Though I kill.

I take refuge in logic and reason.

But I fumble.

I project serenity.

But I am a brewing storm.

As I age, I discover.

The way to grow is to let go.

___________________________________________________

I want to brand myself as a free spirit.

But in reality, I am shackled by too many rules.

I am not complaining but I feel it is limiting.

I extend this habit to G. He easily accepts and adapts.

But times change. We change.

Relationships mature.

Time to place trust on a higher plane.

He had his turn before.

It is now mine.

Fly.

Fly with my love.

MANTRAS (1st of 7)

2009-08-20T01:49:00.014+08:00

I. A good traveler has no fixed plans,

and is not intent on arriving.

- Lao Tzu

Travel to discover. Discover to learn. Learn to understand. Understand to appreciate. Appreciate to accept.

I may only have two feet but I wander as if I have four. Even more. I embark on a journey with heightened senses but reduced expectations. Wandering aimlessly can be a voyage to self-discovery. I open my eyes. I have the universe as my guide.

II. Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow,

it only saps today of its joy.

- Leo F. Buscaglia

Why spend valuable energy worrying on things yet to happen? Wait till they transpire. But when they do, why then lose precious time crying over spilt milk. Worrying over some past is an exercise in futility.

So why worry? If at all.

III. A smile confuses an approaching frown.

- unknown

Smile and the world smiles at you. Cry and the world still smiles. Laughter and humor disarm an enemy. You may not possess the perfect comedic timing nor utter the wittiest punchlines, but you will never carry a heavy heart if you know how to sing with a giggle or dance to a chuckle.

I dispose of tragedy. I collect comedy.

IV. Vanquish an angry man by gentleness;

overcome the evil man with goodness.

- Indian proverb

First, be human. Let the bitterness sink in and the anger mature. But rise to the occasion once you have crossed the line. Show magnanimity in this, your defining moment. Goodness can be a sweet revenge.

Ideal. Difficult.

Try. Might work.

V. Control your emotion or it will control you.

- unknown

The true mark of a man is his ability to control his emotion. Emotions are raw. Actions are not. Control is not denial. It is acceptance. A simple exercise of power and authority.

___________________________________________________

As I approach, I look back.

As I celebrate, I recite.

Things that matter.

Points to live by.

I am Virgin!

BACK TO BASICS

2009-08-18T00:13:00.009+08:00

"As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness."

- Henry David Thoreau

I ain't no Schumi but I race 356. But unlike the speed god, I ain't stopping after 10.

I have zoomed past calm and respite, failing to remember the countenance of peace and quiet. Noise is a lullaby. Strain is the way of living.

Countless reality checks.

But the bait of the mysterious end is very tempting to pursue. Its apparent radiance too dazzling to ignore.

I may have downed tens of Pink Dolphins. Glugged a hundred Blue Frogs. Yes, thumped to a thousand Lady Gagas.

The fact remains I am speedballing. (thank goodness, ain't freefalling)

Pinch me. Slap me. Hit me.

Hopefully, I will retard. Stop moving but going somewhere.

I LIED (HAHAHAHA!)

2009-08-10T11:48:00.001+08:00

I am such an original. So here goes,

THANK YOU

2009-08-01T13:34:00.007+08:00

To you . . .

a world icon of freedom and democracy

an inspiration to peaceful struggles

a symbol of courage and unwavering faith

(Corazon Aquino, 1933 -2009)

The whole nation is very grateful.

Rest in peace.

SCHUMI IS BACK

2009-07-31T01:36:00.005+08:00

I am thrilled!

Seven-time world champion Michael Schumacher will be zooming again into action, earliest in the European Grand Prix this August. He will replace Brazilian Felipe Massa who figured in a high-speed crash in last weekend's qualifying round in Hungary.

He retired in 2006 after garnering 7 world championships, 91 GP wins, 154 podium finishes and 68 poles in 250 GP races.

It is not a full-time comeback. He will probably finish the remainder of the 2009 season, out of loyalty to Ferrari, his team for 11 years. Massa, who sustained skull fractures and concussion, may still see action next year.

With his return, excitement is also back in Formula One. It is interesting to watch how defending champion Lewis Hamilton will race side by side the legend. It will be the Briton's first with Schumi since his debut was in the 2007 Australian Grand Prix.

Then how about Brawn's Button (current leader at 70 points) and Red Bull's Webber (at 51.5)? It is also expected of Kimi Raikkonen to shape up as not to disgrace his teammate. Definitely, it will rejuvenate Ferrari which has churned out a series of lackluster finishes since the start of this season.

I can't wait to watch the next race in Valencia, Spain and yes, the Singapore GP in September.

Now, I'm really tempted to get that pitstop tix.

TABULA RASA

2009-07-19T02:36:00.008+08:00

Walang laman ang utak ko.

Nasabi ko sa dati kong post na kailangan kong maalog. Pero nasobrahan 'ata. Nayanig pati utak. Hindi mahagilap ang right o left brain. Nawindang.

Masyadong chill.

Matapos binagyo at binaha. Hinagupit at nilindol. Nagkaroon bigla ng kapayapaan. Matinding katahimikan na nagdulot ng pagka-antok. Minsan pagkabagot.

Nabaling sa ibang larangan.

Ang lakas ay binuhos sa ibang aspetong medyo napabayaan. Kailangan kumayod para may pantustos sa layaw at bisyo. Timing lang. Bumabalik na ang sigla ng mercado. Unti-unti nang nagkalakas ang mga nahapong bangkero.

Hindi po ako nagrereklamo.

Tama ito. Kumbaga, nasa cusp lang.

Ngunit kahit bakante ang isip sa kasalukuyan, sana hindi mawaglit ng tuluyan ang mga leksyon ng nakaraan.

Sana tangan pa rin ang bagay na natutunan at lubos na nauunawaan.

_______________________

MkSurf8 has started a clean slate in the second half.

Work and matters of the heart.

Q & A

2009-06-30T01:12:00.005+08:00

Now we veer away from the negative.

Spotlight on the good thing.

With a twist.

Do you question the blessings that you receive? Or argue with graces?

Do you doubt goodness?

If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

What do you think?

SHAKE WELL (TAPOS LAGOK)

2009-06-29T02:41:00.008+08:00

Matagal na akong hindi naalog.

Ilang taon na rin akong palutang-lutang sa dagat. Maaliwalas naman ang paglalayag. Ngunit hindi pa rin nasisilayan ang dalampasigan.

Paminsan-minsan inaabot ng unos. Muntik nang tumaob at malunod. Nahilo't nagsuka. Ilang Bonamine ang nalaklak. Pero surviving naman.

Kung iisipin, medyo ayos na rin naman ang yate ko. Pang Travel & Living channel. Ngunit dumating na rin sa puntong nagsasawa na.

Ang layo pa ng beach. Nais ko nang dumaong. Hihilata sa fine sand. Makikinig kay Chicane. Iinom ng pina colada. Okay fine, San Mig Light.

Teka, hindi naman yun ang layunin ko. Lay over lang. (Ungas, hindi get laid! Over!)

Malayo pa ako sa retirement. Gusto ko pang maglakbay. Yun nga lang, sana ibang yate. O di kaya'y sa ibang body of water naman.

Kasalanan ng isang kaibigan. Bakit pa kasi binanggit yang lecheng comfort zone na yan. We have to leave our comfort zones. To grow is to be willing to feel awkward or ill at ease.

Napaisip tuloy ako.

Ang tagal ko na ngang nakatutok kay Dow at Reuters. Si Bloomberg, dati terminal lang. Ngayon mayor na. Nakailang krisis pinansyal na ba ang naranasan ko? Buhay pa ang Lira. At hindi pa ipinanganak si Euro. Kapita-pitagan pa ang mga investment bankers. Ngayon mga kriminal na kung maituturing. Sige na nga, para medyo sosy, white collar felons.

Hindi na rin kasi ako excited pumasok. Naglaho na yung kakaibang tuwa sa trading room. Kesehodang sumisirko ang USD/EUR/AUD/GBP/CAD/NZD/JPY/CHF. Paki ko kung kumakaripas ng takbo yung bull o di kaya'y umaatras yung bear.

Nawala na ang oomph!

Ang masaklap, hindi ko magawang iwanan ang kompanyang 'to. Ngunit sa dalas ng mga ganitong moments ko ngayon.

Baka nga. Feel ko, next year.

Paki-shake mo nga ako. Kung hindi man, untog na lang.

HUSH HUSH

2009-06-25T01:35:00.011+08:00

Lahat daw tayo may nakakubling lihim.

Bawa't isa may kalansay sa loob ng aparador. Tinatakluban ng sapot. Naninilaw. Inaamag. In different states of decay, 'ika nga.

May mga yugto sa ating buhay na gusto na natin siyang ilabas. Sa iba't-ibang kadahilanan. Baka kasi very proud tayo sa ating mga kalansay. Work of art daw! O kaya, trip lang talaga natin manakot.

May mga pabugsu-bugsong hangarin tayong ito'y i-display. Kahit panandalian lamang. Kumbaga for special occasions only. Tuwing Halloween. Pang decor sa isang costume o theme party.

Gaano man ka tempting na ilabas ito, hindi pa rin kaya. Maraming mga pag-aalinlangan at pangamba. Kung anu-anong presumptions/assumptions/pre-conceived notions ang ipinipinta natin. Lumilikha tayo ng mga sariling biases. Mga ka-praningan.

Baka naman daw kasi sobra itong nakakatakot at di makayanan ng mga nagti trick or treat. Ayaw natin ma-trauma ang mga kids. Lalo na ang mga parents.

Baka mang-agaw din ito ng eksena sa party. Lalo na kung ang kalansay na ito ay talaga namang obra maestra o worse, KSP. Kawawa naman ang host. Magmistulang wallflower.

Lahat may rason para ito'y mapanatili lamang sa loob ng mabahong aparador.

Kaya naman yung ibang dala hanggang six feet under yung kalansay. Masyado silang kindred spirits na hanggang naging espiritu na mismo ang may-ari ng aparador, tangan pa rin niya ito't di mabibitawan.

Pag nagkataon, dalawang kalansay ang nakabaon sa hukay. Magkayakap.

Meron ding iba na aksidenteng nabuksan ang aparador. Kaya nag hello (o haller!) bigla si kalansay sa atribidang nagbukas nito. Di naman kasalanan ng nagbukas. Careless lang ang may-ari kasi di nagsara ng pinto. Pwede rin ata sinadya nyang nakabuyangyang ito.

Ngunit saludo ako sa mga matatapang na keri lang magwagayway ng kalansay sa publiko. Kever kung afraid sila o deadma sa matitinis na eeeeeeewwwwww sa paligid.

Ang importante, nabuhay ang skeleton. Nakahinga ng fresh air. Nasikatan ng sun.

Kumakawag-kawag, kumikislot-kislot.

Kasabay si Gloria Gaynor.

__________________________________________________

Para sa isang kaibigang napadpad.

Nagtaka. Nabalisa. Umiyak.

Pasensya na po.

PASASALAMAT

2009-06-23T00:30:00.005+08:00

Gaano man kalakas ng unos, lilipas din ito. Sabi nga ng tatay ko, sisikat din si haring araw.

Ang mahirap lang ay kung paano ayusin ang mga nasira ng bagyo. Paano pulutin ang mga nagkalat na gamit. Saan hanapin ang mga nawala sa panahon ng hagupit.

Pero talagang ganun yata. Hindi lahat nadadaan sa magic. Walang mabilisang reconstruction work.

Kailangan ng marahan at maingat na pagpapanday ng kinabukasan. Dapat suriin ng maigi kung saan nagkamali't nagkulang. Mahina ba ang design, kaya tumba agad? O baka naman may tong-pats, kaya substandard materials ang ginamit ng contractor?

Pwede rin gamitin ang natutunan sa MBA. SWOT analysis 'baga. Para scientific naman ang diskarte. Matutuwa pa si Prof nyan.

Bawal mag-reklamo kung mabagal ang prosesong 'to. Buti nga survivor ka ng dilubyo. Hindi lahat ay ma-swerte. Marami rin ang sinawimpalad. Konti lang ang pwedeng mabiyayaan ng take two.

Matapos humingi ng paumanhin sa lahat ng nasaktan, kasunod dapat ay pasasalamat. Kung aabutin man ng siyam-siyam ang paggawad ng kapatawaran, huwag mainip. Mag-antay! Isipin mo din ang pinagdadaanan nila.

Kapag tapos na ang rehab, wag ka na humirit pa ng take three.

TAKING RESPONSIBILITY

2009-06-22T01:46:00.003+08:00

I was amazed. I clapped.

I got excited. I jumped.

I was overwhelmed. I offered.

I got enthralled. I promised.

I was in trance. I swayed.

I got the rhythm. I danced.

I was captured. I lied.

I got confused. I hushed.

I was exposed. I escaped.

I got shaky. I tripped.

There is no justification to what I have done.

No defense. Only hurting.

He continues to feel the pinch.

Mine the pang.

I raise the checkered flag.

I am sorry.

HARD LANDING

2009-06-17T01:44:00.005+08:00

I told you. Start with a tandem jump.

I warned you. Do 5K should you decide solo.

I informed you about poor visibility.

I alerted you of imminent wind gusts.

I counseled you on holding faithfully to the chute.

I advised you against overconfidence.

Swift.

You hardly recognized what it was until you hit terra firma flat on your face.

Freefall.

You even caused collateral damage.

THE FALL

2009-05-27T01:07:00.009+08:00

We expect everything and are prepared for nothing.

- Anne Sophie Swetchine

I knock. He opens.

I call. He answers.

He is awake. I am asleep.

He is hopeful. I am skeptical.

I dismiss. He allows.

I hint. He understands.

He performs. I observe.

He proposes. I accept.

I ask. He replies.

I wonder. He impresses.

He flies. I soar.

He plunges. I fall.

One can never be ready to be surprised.

- Chewie

LUTANG ALA FREEWAY

2009-05-18T00:54:00.014+08:00

Health Advisory: Safe for the Nose. No Blood Transfusion Needed.

Okay!

Subukan kong gawing freeway tong post na 'to. Tutal mahilig naman talaga ako sa mga mabibilis. F1 (putik! badag pa rin ang Ferrari buti na lang gwapo si Button). Yung freefall sa skydiving (yes, ako po yung nasa bago kong banner. asteeg no?). Mabilis na lakaran. Mabilis na courtship. Sama na natin, mabilisang sex.

Nakuha ko naman yung idea na 'to kay the late Mugen. Balita ko tigok na siya. SLN. Pero may tsismis nag-iba daw ng anyo ala BB Gandang Reyna. Freewriting ba kamo? Subukan ko. Sana tama yung execution kasi kakahiya naman sa memory niya kung semplang ito.

Ba't ba sabog ang utak ko ngayon? Di naman ako adik. Wala naman akong nasinghot or nalunok. Clean living na nga. Anong amats? Anong hits? GV lahat 'to! Di ba Theo0629? Naaliw lang ako sa mokong to. GV-ing GV sa GV ko.

Alam ko na!

Na OD ako sa lakwatsa. Bora sa Holy Week. Oz just recently. Kelangan ko nang ibalik ang dating estado ng utak ko. Lutang kasi. Pati work ko na apektuhan na ata. Ilang beses na sumisirko ang Queen at Sake. Wala pa rin akong ginawa. Makipot na ulit ang 'utang palaman' (Lukayo help! translate mo sa ating sariling wika ang credit spread) pero nagpapakipot pa rin ako bumili ng bonds. Mahal ko ang sidelines, kaya stay muna doon. Ito ang inspirasyon ng huli kong post. Doing nothing is doing something! Makes sense, di ba?

Sa aspeto ng puso, lutang din. Lutang in a nice way naman. Buti na lang! Yoko na mag expound. Basahin nyo na lang siya.

Ooops may isang lutang moment pala na gusto ko i-share. Flying above the clouds, literally. Tumalon pala ako mula sa eroplano kamakailan lang sa Oz. Galing. Solid yung experience. Sarap ng 60-second freefall. Cool ang 5-minute pasuray-suray sa parachute. Salamat naman at bumukas sya. Pero parang overrated yung fear factor. Or sadyang fearless lang talaga ako? Hindi rin. Nawindang din naman ako nang muntik akong magland sa freeway. Gusto ko sana i-post dito yung video kaso di pa balak ni Mksurf8 mag out. Check nyo na lang fezbuk ko. Good luck kung mahanap nyo.

Si Ewan pala nag parachute din. Napanood nyo na ba? Parang gusto ko tuloy mag-pari. Yung tipong tatargetin ko maging Cardinal. Astig kaya mapasama sa Conclave. Enjoy naman yung movie. Dami kasi nagsabi pangit daw.

Teka anong oras na ba? Di pa ako inaantok. Labo naman. Lutang na naman ako nito bukas. Nakatingin na naman ako sa lava lamp ko. Hassle sya, pinagtripan ko. Ang hilig ko kasi sa kulay. Kaya love ko ang rainbow! Lalo na yung mahilig mag slide slide sa rainbow.

Sorry ha. Tampo ka ata kanina.

Yaan mo, babawi ako sayo.

SHOUTOUT

2009-05-16T11:18:00.004+08:00

Doing NOthing is doing SOMEthing!

BACKbLOG

2009-05-04T19:29:00.004+08:00

Marami nang nangyayari sa blogspace. Baka sa pagbalik ko wala na akong makikilala.

Medyo mahaba-haba pa 'tong lakwatsa ko. Na adik na naman kasi!

Yan tuloy dumadami backlog ko.

See you soon. You!

Especially, you!

(Tristan, pahiram muna ng you!)

SO THIS IS EMO?

2009-04-27T03:03:00.010+08:00

I feel emo the moment I board my plane. The feeling is strange because I cannot think of any reason why. Yes, I do get affected with departures. But this is more than the usual.

You know the feeling of just wanting to curl up in bed and hug a pillow? Or simply coil, placing my head comfortably on someone's lap. Close my eyes and attempt a journey to dreamland. Shed a tear for an unknown reason.

I am not an emo person. Truth is, I am as frigid as the arctic air. But since it's already global warming and the snow caps are slowly thawing, I let myself melt and flow with the arbitrariness of my emotions.

I want to immediately snap out of this because I know the pitfalls of being too in synch with feelings. I can do crazy things. I can stalk someone. I can come out to friends. I can strip myself off. Bare naked.

The last time I was emo, I took off my pride.

I lost myself.

I flew to Manila last Friday to attend an urgent meeting the following day. Weekend was a blur. I enjoyed two carefree nights at Bed with G. But there was something amiss. I didn't know why.

FLYING LOW

2009-04-24T00:54:00.010+08:00

WARNING: Read at your own risk!

The plan was to break the fast.

Weeks prior, the pull was as natural as gravity. It started with an innocent tease over bottles of SMB. The knights of the round table convened, not in praise of chivalry, but to plot the way to self-indulgence and GV*-ness.

Each had his own story to tell, a reason to decline. But the lure of the peak outshone reason and sanity. It's the expressway to Eden. No matter how fleeting.

The bug could have stolen the map. But will power was rock hard.

Someone said necessity is the mother of invention. I say, resourcefulness is the son of desperation.

Lancelot left the round table to meet his Guinevere. They abandoned Camelot and honeymoon-ed in a place where heaven was synonymous to hell.

One drop for a knight who was used to double. The hit came so fast. Eager to rendezvous with the prodigal user. Swift but unfortunately unrecognizable.

What went wrong? He thought the plan was fool-proof.

Then he realized, surprises are staple in this world.

Ba't ganun?

Di ko na siya kilala.

Isa pa ulit nang makilala ng lubusan.

*GV - Good Vibe

STILL NOT SOOOO BACK

2009-04-19T00:43:00.015+08:00

I am very much aware of the dissonance of lahs and lehs around me but my mind is still abuzz with the gentle sound of swinging palms and lapping waves. I have switched off the tugstaks in my head but the inner DJ keeps on Praising the Sun.

The Spirit follows me Everywhere I go. It just Kaskades down my soul.

A week has passed and I am still comfortably chilled in a Boracay hammock. Okay, beach chair.

BLOG BREAK

2009-04-07T20:15:00.010+08:00

Shaking to a hundred beats . . .

Painting a thousand sunsets . . .

Life on a CHICANE taking a pitstop . . .

TAROT CARD KO

2009-03-30T21:51:00.012+08:00

Nakuha ko 'to sa blog ni Eben.

Yaiks! Katakot!

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

ALL BRAWNs (NO BEAUTY)

2009-03-29T18:06:00.014+08:00

The gods of speed smiled on the underdogs.

Out of the ashes of Honda, they emerge as the top two finishers at the season opener of the 2009 Formula One in Melbourne.

Jenson Button, who was on pole position, controlled the race despite a minor delay at the pitstop while teammate Rubens Barrichello should thank heavens for the last-minute clash between Red Bull's Sebastian Vettel and BMW Sauber's Robert Kubica.

Though sourgrapes (moi, included) are quick to credit their victory to the safety car (harsh!), it's still nice to witness drama on the race track. Last year, they were on the brink of extinction when Honda stepped on the brakes due to financial difficulty (yes, the culprit we call Credit Crunch). But F1 legend Ross Brawn (the mind behind the wheels of Schumi) took the ownership from the Japs who, by now, are probably committing hara kiri.

My team Ferrari failed me again. Felipe Massa retired early due to a mechanical problem while uber hot Kimi Raikkonnen spun on the 55th lap. This duo has developed fatal habits. Massa for mechanical troubles, Kimi for spinning. Remember Singapore? Perhaps time to re-assess some loyalty.

Never-say-die Lewis Hamilton, last year's champion, was quite impressive despite a poor start from the rear. He finished 4th*, 2.9 seconds behind Button. Throw tomatoes at this bad boy of the track but don't deny him credit for sheer determination and focus. The will power is admirable. Never mind the arrogance.

As the autumn sun was setting, the drivers were facing a new challenge. Shadows had made driving conditions more difficult. A much eager and impatient Kubica went alongside a very hopeful Vettel. Too close for comfort. The Red Bull charged on the helpless BMW, tearing off Vettel's front wing. He lost flight, spun and went into oblivion. Barrichello zoomed past the carnage to join his partner in the finish line. Vettel could have placed 2nd in the race but Kubica stole it. The BMW driver paid for it dearly as he also whirled into the cool Melbourne twilight.

The safety car appeared for the second time, 3 laps before the checkered flag. Even with the break in the adrenaline, the deployment of the safety car was still a sight to behold. I fancy the meandering cars. You can sense the suppressed power as they approach endless series of chicanes (as in Life on a CHICANE. Lolz!). Beauty and grace in understated strength and concealed authority.

Technically, it was the safety car who reached the the checkered flag first (grape's still sour, i know).

Although, I'm disappointed by Ferrari's not earning a single point, I'm inspired by Brawn GP's debut win. Ross Brawn has got that winning formula, not to mention the support from maverick Richard Branson.

Definitely, the team to watch for this season. One full throttle for defying fortune's spite!

Sucker for rise-like-a-phoenix-from-the-ashes stories, I know.

__________________________

Lilipas din 'to.

Habang may buhay, may pag-asa.

Ang buhay ay parang gulong. Minsan nasa ilalim, minsan nasa ibabaw.

Tingnan natin kung paano gugulong ang gulong sa Sepang next week.

*final ranking pushed Hamilton to 3rd place as Jarno Trulli of Toyota who originally occupied the slot got additional 25 secs to his race for passing under the safety car.

photocredit: ww.zerotohundred.com/ross-brawn-q-a/

A BUG'S WORLD

2009-03-25T18:31:00.007+08:00

When I am bugged, I really get hit. Big time.

And why can't they occur all at the same time?

First, they scrape the passageway. Sneaky and cunning, they operate when you temporarily leave the hustle and bustles of the world. At the time you are realizing fantasies or facing nightmares. Their main purpose is to re-calibrate your decibel to a standard worthy of a 100 in a videoke challenge.

Scratch and play. They are the sound snatchers.

Second, they block the air. Initially, they appear in a free flow, not as a river of life but an endless tributary of discomfort and embarrassment. Why do they always manifest when you are simply talking or coyly smiling? Next is something religious. Or let's just say, uncontrollable seeking of graces. No matter how many "bless you's" you receive, you never feel sanctified.

Obstruct and destruct. They are the scent stealers.

Third, they shake the foundation. How you wish the crib is only a fall away! Feeling wobbly and rickety. A massage may easily do the trick but some say it can make it worse. So cane, anyone?

Tremble and fall. They are the equilibrium takers.

Fourth, they smolder the temple. They even set the consciousness ablaze. They call it chills but in reality, you are heat-ing. I will affectionately call it peaking. This is where everything reaches its delirious climax. The drugged experiences muscle tension, tremors, psychedelic vision and thirst. From all the whirl, you slip into momentary bliss.

Slash and burn. They are the thought moochers.

Water starts to gush out the moment you snap out of the K-hole. You don't feel weary but refreshed from the battle. It's like having pressed the reset/reboot button.

The thieves dissipated.

_____________________

Hindi ko man ininda na siya pala'y inapoy na ng lagnat. Gimik pa rin ang nasa isip.

Pero nung ako nama'y baldado, hindi siya lumayo sa tabi ko hanggang nakalabas ako ng K-hole.

Masarap pala kung may nag-aalaga.

Next time ako naman.

photocredit: heartygraphics.com/paintShopPro/lady_bug.html

SOLITARY EATER*

2009-03-18T08:51:00.016+08:00

"We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink, for dining alone is leading the life of a lion or wolf."

- Epicurus

"No man is lonely while eating spaghetti; it requires so much attention."

- Christopher Morley

I started to live independently at a tender, virginal age of 16.

It was not a deliberate shun-leeching-embrace-autonomy kind of thing. Rather, an effort brought to fore by circumstance. The desire for a good education and a bright future sent me to the decrepit residence halls of the State University where I learned to finally sever from mom my all-pervading umbilical cord and took pleasure in my own solitary moments.

The experience was not shocking, owing to my penchant for change and adventure. Not to mention, my intermittent longing for self-exile.

Dorm life wasn't easy either. We were at the mercy of our dietitian's proclivity for whipping out mind-boggling, often circus-like, dishes. An egg surprise never failed to shake us from our early morning stupor with its yolk cozily stuck in a rubber-disguised-as-meat base. The dessert was to die for. Our teeth nearly perished incising into its rock-hard, floorwax green intended-to-be-gelatinous crust, just to nibble that teenie-weenie pineapple tidbit.

Dining had become a reclusive activity instead of communal. We walked to the mess hall in our lonesome weaving through a sea of familiar yet seemingly distant faces. We shared tables but not experiences. We talked but we didn't converse.

We ate for the purpose of nourishing the body, not the soul.

Post university, I lived with some friends. Though we were more cohesive as a group, the dining experience was still different from what I was accustomed to when i was still with my family. Due to varying schedules, we hardly found time to eat together. Occasionally, we dined out and created a semblance of family. Conversations would then flow freely. Laughter pervaded, stretching our meal time to long yet enjoyable hours. But frequently, we were really alone in deciding which fastfood joint to choose and which food to take home.

Despite my impressive resume as a solitary eater, I dreaded to be seen dining out alone lest I be tagged a hermit. Worse, a loser.

In a culture of barkada and extended families, eating alone in public may signal a dearth in social skills or a stamp of a dud. A washout.

Yeah, it's okay to be seen alone in Jollibee or McDonald's. But I already reached my limit with fries, burgers and McChickenjoy. Besides, I would still fancy enjoying my meal in establishments where reservation for at least two people is the norm, not for one.

Either I shrunk in humiliation in public or retreated to my cocoon with my doggy bag.

Until I moved overseas more than two years ago.

Initially, I was a take out king but eventually outgrew the habit. Slowly, I enjoyed choosing my restaurant without having to deal with objections. Selecting my comfort food without having to consider other people's tastes.

I find solace in the idea that I am in control. Comfort in simply enjoying my food.

In my frequent business trips, I always avoid lunch or dinner meetings. I will rather eat alone in peace than with people outguessing each other as to when markets eventually recover. Sans the requisite meals with friends, you will see me gleefully hopping from one fave restaurant to another with my ever dependable ipod and probably, a book.

It is also when I turn out to be mindful of what's happening around me. I become observant to the interesting mix of characters. Sporadically picking up bits of gossips and what nots.

It is when I am able to collect my thoughts.

It is when I am able to compose myself.

My trading pit may be akin to a lion's den. But I'm not the king of the jungle.

Yes, I like pasta.

_________________________________________

*my thoughts when I was dining alone during a recent trip to Cebu

picture stolen from www.cartoonStock.com. my apologies.

DESTINATION

2009-03-09T16:11:00.005+08:00

Just like beaches, airports are my incubator of ideas.

I became pensive while waiting for my boarding call. One thought that came across was Henry Miller's.

" If we are always arriving and departing, it is also true that we are eternally anchored. One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things. "

OF DEMONS AND ANGELS

2009-03-07T02:32:00.013+08:00

As usual.

In my classic hurried mode, I dashed to Changi to catch my late night flight to the city of angels. Deliberately unmindful of the latest bloodbath on the trading floor, I literally dropped all pending trades to be able to rendezvous with G in the city we claim to be our own.

Despite its heat and filth. Clutter and bedlam. Noise and mad rush.

Bangkok has put us under a spell that we learn to embrace its charming anarchy. From the splendor of its temples, to the vibrancy of its night markets. From the piquant cuisine, to the equally tangy fare found in the seedy sois.

This city has never failed to amaze us, notwithstanding the numerous trips we have made. This is my sixth jaunt and our third as a couple. Since last year, G has made this his birthday hajj (while mine is Boracay).

But why on earth am I blogging?

Damn! I'm just trying to tame some inner demons. I know what I am capable of, especially in a place where fresh meat is on fire sale, mostly free for the taking. Where self-indulgence and hedonistic pleasures are dangled hastily before my feeble spirit.

The guilt was too much. I don't want a repeat. While one was still soaring high, the other had someone already kneeling down. He was buckling up for air turbulence. Me, unzipping down for fiery commotion.

Nah, I want this year to be different.

I can wait in our hotel room.

In peace.

__________________

MkSurf8's arrival from SIN: 11 PM

G's ETA from MNL: 1 AM

MY VERY SPECIAL PISCEAN

2009-03-02T23:37:00.011+08:00

The body was tired and spirit glum.

Until I heard that all too familiar beep.

"so happy that u came into my life ... i cherish the moments when i have to wake up someone miles away every morning. when he checks on me what i have for lunch. when i buzz him for our nightly Skype. i'm turning 31 soon and 5 yrs w/ u seem just yesterday. Bola as u always quip but truly ur God sent and 4ever an inspiration. Tnx 4 loving me and promise i'l b here 4ever . . . ur kulit and cute G. Keow keow! ;-) "

I rivaled Rapunzel.

I soared.

__________________

In four days, it will be another fun weekend in the City of Angels.

CROSSES

2009-02-27T23:18:00.012+08:00

When the future seems bleak and everything is in circles

When emotions take precedence over logic

When good and bad become one

Patience and aggression are transposable

Greed overtakes fear

The lot is a zero-sum game

_________________________________________

Who would have expected The Queen is mightier than the Koala. Resistance at 2.22. Support at 2.18. Take position 50 pips above support. Square off 200 below the high.

Voila! 5% windfall while the Great Inspiration prattles and the Tiny Confusion trembles.

Twice won. Never beaten.

Life is a game of chance. Change course. Change couple.

Dumped the Koala for the Maple. Whew! Small steps but huge in the pocket.

Guilt? No!

Greed? Yes!

Spread stretched to a sinful 250. Unabated. Uncontrolled. Man is an insatiable animal.

Hit! Another waiting game. Testing patience. Checking morals.

Too long. Dull. Anti-thesis of a speed junkie.

Throttle. Zoom.

Incinerate the Maple. Build the Eiffel.

Got stuck. Go to London and visit The Queen.

Come full circle.

The verdict.

EIFFEL - "It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept."

- Calvin & Hobbes comic strip

KOALA - "When the goose honks high, fair weather. When the goose honks low, foul weather."

- old proverb

THE QUEEN - "So the last shall be first, and the first last."

- Matthew 20:16

MAPLE - "Patience is a minor form of despair disguised as a virtue."

- Ambrose Bierce

The other majors.

Sake is in the doldrums. Bottomless pit.

The Alps are chilling. Skiers not allowed.

Frodo is trailing Koala. Disengage to survive.

The star-spangled. Too strong but empty. Caveat emptor.

Who would have thought cross-dressing can be profitable.

__________________

A seek-and-you-shall-find universe

To steal Ewik's tagline, "There are wonders, if you wander."

BENTE SINGKO

2009-02-13T00:29:00.009+08:00

Dahil na-tag ako ni Aris, isa sa mga paborito kong bloggers, gagawin ko rin ang aking 25.

1. OC at praning ako. In short, janitor fish.

2. isa akong speed junkie. mahilig manood ng F1 at isang Ferrari devotee (Kimi's hot!). trip ko fast cars, hindi para i-drive kundi para panoorin lang. Big cars ang type ko i-drive.

3. nung Manila-based pa ako, ako ang official tagahatid/tagasundo sa gimikan. in short, school bus driver. aliw naman pero tanggal amats lagi. ako normal na, sila bangag pa.

4. speaking of bangag, ako'y nalulong dati sa droga pero 2 years lang naman yung years of living dangerously ko. kusa akong tumigil kasi nakakapagod at nakaka-bore na ang laging high. drugs of choice ko: E, K, Mogs at Wari. Di ako cokehead (di ko type maka-tropa ang Gucci Gang) at pothead (yoko naman maka-tropa parents ko; masyadong vintage at pang 'love generation').

5. dahil sa self-rehab, alcohol naman ang naging bagsak ko. walang sina-santo. basta nakakalasing, tinutungga ko. paborito ko? San Mig Lite pag feel ko magpaka-demure, Red Horse pag angas naman ang drama ko. Pero pag nagpapaka-totoo ako, si pareng Jose Cuervo ang kaulayaw ko. eto na lang ata ang bisyo ko. di kasi ako nag-yoyosi.

6. ngayong 2009, nag-pramis ako sa sarili ko na bawasan ko naman ang aking alcohol intake. yoko magkasakit sa atay.

7. mahilig akong kumain pero clueless at bobo sa kusina. paborito ko steak ng Morton's, seafood at mga pagkaing hilaw (sushi/sashimi/kilawin).

8. tawag nila sa akin bato. pero ang totoo closet emo at cheese ako. dig ko Meg Ryan chick flicks. di lang halata kasi deadma at poker-faced ako.

9. dalawa pa lang naging boyfriends ko (sana hanggang 2 lang). yung una si Sean. 3 months lang kami kasi ang landi niya. na devastate ako for 1 month (madali naman akong naka get-over). buti na lang dumating si G.

10. mahal na mahal ko si G (at sya din sa akin, i suppose). pero may mga cheat moments ako. noon yun. pramis ulit, bagong buhay na ako sa 2009.

11. pinaka-pinagsisihan kong cheat moment ay nung birthday ko 4 years ago. days before my birthday nag-away kami ni G. dahil sa inis ko (at libog na rin), naki pag SEB ako. pucha, hot yung guy! couldn't resist, tao lang! horny lang! siya naging date ko on my birthday. di ko pinansin si G. tinapon ni G yung gift nya. gumawa kasi sya ng scrap book documenting our relationship. major guilt trip!

12. eto inglesin ko kasi mas bagay. almost always, i'm on top of my game. but most often than not, a bottom. LOL!

13. sunsets invigorate me. ultimate GV moment: Boracay sunset, ice cold beer, Chicane and G.

14. aviation geek ako. trip ko long-haul flights at tumambay sa airports. tanungin nyo ako ng mga flights out of and into Manila, alam ko. inaaral ko naman ngayon yung sa Changi.

15. di ko type mag-shop at mag-malling. na-aantok ko! but i splurge on gadgets.

16. mahilig kami mag-travel ni G. nalibot na namin halos lahat sa Asya at U.S. (Europe next at South America, pag tapos na ang global credit crunch). ako ang self-designated guide at map reader. dito lumalabas ang aking pagiging dominante. bumu-buntot lang si G.

17. straight ang gimik namin ni G. pero lately nahiligan namin laging mag Malate. pag nasa Bed/Chelu/O Bar, walang selosan. kapag may lumanlandi sa kanya or sa akin, okay lang. game sa kapaan pero bawal humalik (the kisser in me, sometimes i slipped...hmmm parang bagay ata, 'i lipped?'). bawal din mawala sa paningin. pag-uwian na, we compare notes. LOL!

18. out lang ako sa isang straight college bud ko. cool naman siya about it. bigla akong naging honest. di ko plano. posibleng rason? pls refer to # 4.

19. gym rat ako. 5 times weekly. kina-karir ko talaga sya dahil may personal trainer ako. gusto ko maging buff daddy in my advanced years.

20. magnet ako ng mga taong malungkot at sawi. marunong kasi akong makinig at magpayo. sa gifts ng holy spirit, yung gift of counseling yung na-catch ko.

21. mahilig din pala ako sa extreme sports. whitewater rafting, bungee jumping at sky diving.

22. Comfort zone ko ang Boracay. I go on a pilgrimage at least twice a year. kasama si G.

23. type ko sa guy: discreet, chinito in a geeky way (plus pogi points pag nakasalamin), tall, makinis. yoko ng batung-bato. kelangan may konting bilbil. sa physical yun. mas importante yung nakakausap ko sya. di naman kelangang mag-agree sa lahat ng bagay. debate is a great foreplay!

24. optimist ako. i believe in the goodness of man. madali akong magpatawad. pero di ako tanga. i think i'm a fairly good judge of character.

25. ako'y nagpapasalamat na discover ko ang blogging. magandang outlet lalo na sa isang stressed-out, closeted na tulad ko. malaya kong naibabahagi lahat ng mga emo, kilig, saya, galit at iba pang damdamin ko. sa puntong 'to, nais ko na rin bigyang pugay ang mga bloggers na naging inspirasyon at impluwensya ko (in alphabetical order): Aris, Dabo, Geek, Gillboard, Jamie, McVie, Mugen, Niel, Trip at Turismoboi. At ang bago kong paborito: si Maxwell5587.

Glad to have met you guys in blogspace.

Parang tag ko na rin kayo. ;-)

_______________________________

effort sa akin tong Tagalog ha

THE ORACLE OF OMAHA

2009-02-11T01:06:00.010+08:00

While Obama was persuading and Geithner was babbling.

I could hear him.

"If you buy things you don't need, you'll soon sell things you need."

"Don't save what is left after spending. Spend what is left after saving."

The hardest.

"Be willing to cut your losses and walk away . . ."

THE FLATLINER 3 (START OF A JOURNEY)

2009-02-07T22:51:00.012+08:00

I decided to park my car in Makati. He volunteered to pick me up anyway.

"Jake." A firm handshake and a tooth-y smile. There was something with the smile I didn't like. He was aggressive. I knew him for only three days but he demanded an EB right away.

"Ready?" Our destination was Malate. For me, a homecoming of sort. For him, another night in paradise.

I had my self-discovery in Malate. It was where I finally embraced my own sexuality. Four months before tooth-y Jake, i met my first boyfriend Sean in Piggy's. My first heartbeat. We groped, kissed and fucked. My first heartache too. We argued, fought and broke up. I was hurt. Sean was a congenital liar and a chronic bed-hopper. I felt used. I was near trauma. Too much for an initial foray into this lifestyle.

"Tahimik mo naman!" I was because I wasn't comfortable. First, his tooth-y smile. Second, I was about to confront a bitter past. I would have wanted to back out but it was a Saturday night. I had nowhere to go.

We arrived in Malate and settled in the corner of Nakpil and Orosa. He offered me San Mig Light. I offered him a nervous smile and another moment of silence. Sensing a night of doom instead of paradise, tooth-y Jake took out his mobile phone.

"K lang? My friends will be be joining us. Couple sila." I pitied tooth-y Jake. His date was irritatingly stiff, he had to dial 911. Minutes later, his reinforcement arrived. And what a back up? The couple was so dynamic and shrill. A perfect antidote to my silence.

They were so engrossed with their animated conversation that I was beginning to feel out of place. I wished to join their bubbly banters but I couldn't catch up. I needed my own 911.

As if on cue, my phone rang. Familiar number. I excused myself from the vivacious trio.

G: Buti naman sinagot mo.

Thank heavens!

M: Syempre naman! So sorry dude. My phone's battery was dead and I was dead drunk. Really sorry. I was about to call you the day after pero hassle yung hang-over . . .

I could go on forever with my excuses. I was so relieved i got the call.

G: Gimik mo?

M: Malate. Alalay sa friend ko. Kaka break up lang.

I had to lie. A quick one.

M: Punta ka dito. Meet tayo.

I had to be aggressive. For my own deliverance.

G: Pwede. I'm here in QC.

G was the engineer from Cavite, my SMART soulmate. I knew him even before Sean. We had a connection although we had not met.

G: Okay lang ba sa friend mo?

M: Oo. Cool yun. Inuman na lang tayo dito.

I tried not to sound desperate.

G: Okay. Give me 30 minutes.

M: Okay. See you dude. Ingat.

I went back to the vivacious trio with a ready lie. "My mom. Sorry." They paused for a second and resumed their vivacity.

Thirty minutes seemed eternity but I managed to sail through their chirpy-ness because I knew there was the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.

A beep.

G: here na. wer u?

M: orosa cor nakpl

G: wat u wearng

M: gray shirt. u?

G: blak white striped polo shirt w/ bakpak

I pretended my bladder was going to burst. Instead of the john, i proceeded to the other entrance.

Then i saw a tall, bespectacled guy with a backpack. Cute. In a nerd kind of way. He seemed lost but that vulnerability appealed to me. He zoomed past me and got out as swift as he had entered.

God, didn't he notice me? Then i dialed 911.

M: Saw you pero nilampasan mo ako.

G: Sorry di kita napansin. Na conscious ako. First time ko dito.

M: Okay lang. Puntahan kita dyan.

I followed him to the other side of the street, near the old Red Banana. In my eagerness, i was in a hurried gait that I tripped. Few inches before him.

There went the first impression.

I was expecting a mock. A jeer. But what i got was a smile. Not tooth-y, thank God. A charming, gorgeous one. Enough for me to forget the humiliation.

"G. Finally."

"Mksurf." I extended my hand. I melted.

"Where's your friend?"

"Okay lang yun." I was ready for the great escape. I confessed.

"Then tara. Iwan mo na." His suggestion. I was surprised but thrilled.

"Seryoso?" He didn't answer. Instead, he hailed a cab.

Minutes later, we were already on our way to Makati to get my car and decided to go to Starbucks in Tomas Morato.

G in person was no different from G on the phone. He had that same haughty demeanor that I found alluring. It wasn't conceit but confidence. He talked sense but it wasn't drab. His brand of humor tickled me. We chatted about anything; there wasn't any dull moment. We reminisced on our past girlfriends. Our happy-go-lucky past.

Then I got confused.

We were talking straight. Never a gay moment.

I started to recall our past conversations. The scratching of keypads and the burning of lines. Tech stuff. Travel. Food. Never a gay moment.

Now, girlfriends? Never a gay moment.

We had our occasional kilig moments but it wasn't overkill. Just the normal "Kain ka na?" or the routine '' Sleep tight." Nothing cheesier. Never a gay moment.

Then i panicked. It was already 4 A.M.

At least, i gained a buddy. A consolation?

At 5 A.M., i offered to bring him home. He was staying with a relative in Sikatuna Village because home was Laguna (He also confessed he wasn't from Cavite). As we traversed Timog, I couldn't help but think all the what ifs. What if he's gay? What if we end up together? What if I just confess and tell him I like him? Would it be worth the risking the friendship?

"Dito na lang. Thanks ha." That endearing squint in the eye and the charming smile.

"No prob." I also managed to feign a romantic grin.

Then silence. A very uncomfortable one.

I could only hear my own heartbeat and his own breathing. Our eyes met with unabated anticipation. And in a state of utter passion and intense longing, we kissed.

We met exactly 5 years ago. February 7, 2004. Saturday.

What followed was a great adventure together.

To this day.

THE FLATLINER 2 (SMART SOULMATES)

2009-02-03T00:34:00.020+08:00

I was on my fifth bottle of Red Horse when my phone rang.

G: merry christmas dude!

M: uuuy, merry christmas din!

G: tagal mong di nagparamdam ah

M: (hell, sino to?) ei dude (sabay lagok ng beer) sori ah but i lost

my phone kasi, di ko pa na update phonebook ko

G: ganyanan. kinalimutan mo na ako. this is G.

Then it all came back. The engineer from Cavite. Smart-alecky but sensible guy who claimed to be Dingdong Dantes' deadringer.

M: kaw kaya yung biglang naglaho!

G: hahaha. training kasi ako sa Osaka for 3 months. just got back.

M: wow sosy! galing mo naman (lagok ulit)

G: mukhang saya nyo dyan ngayon ah

M: nakiki-party crash lang sa friend ko. need my alcohol fix

G: lasing ka na ata

M: ulol! taas tolerance ko

Then it hit me. I missed the guy.

Months ago, we scratched keypads and burned phone lines. I enjoyed his endearing smugness. He my harmless sarcasm. We debated on Ate Glo and gossipped with Tito Boy. We weren't in-synched in movies, music and sports but we shared the same passion for gadgets, travel and food. We took pleasure in each other's company but we had not met. We were just SMART soulmates.

G: so ano? mag-2004 na, di pa kita na-meet

Then it went dead. My phone got drunk before I did.